Now I know that there is a stereotype to writers. I’ve addressed that before. But shouldn’t there be a stereotype to actors? Like maybe….they are good looking? Yes I know that talent does come first and play a big part, but when you’re ugly, you’re only going to get typecast roles for “Ugly Best Friend” or “Generic Mall Cop.” You’re not going to be a leading lady. (Click Continue Reading to Continue Reading!)

I always wonder whatever happened to friends who finished in Theater. There’s a part of me that clearly commends them for doing something that they loved to do, but what happened in the real world when they found out that they were a big fish in New Paltz, but now they are a little fish who is a little too short or a little too fat for roles? Do they try to lose the weight? Do they cave under the pressure and get a masters in Liberal Arts to get a decent job? Do they resort to becoming prostitutes? Actually, they wouldn’t make good prostitutes because they are short and fat.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure that several theater kids are making more money than this humble (hah!) blogger. But what happened to the ugly ones or the ones with delusion thinking that they are *gasp* good looking? To make it worse, I know a few theater kids who are decent looking and can’t take a good picture for shit. Photoshop can only do so much, honey.

I firmly believe that if one keeps dreaming, things will happen. I guess the ugly ones will just have to dream harder.

Personally, I’ve seen the images of writers, radio people, and podcasters and was taken aback. Maybe it’s true. Maybe a lot of these people are the bastard ugly children of successful television and film stars. Even the people on YouTube have good looks and usually only the good looking (or just insanely funny) YouTube videos become the most popular.

…

I’ve seen pictures of several writers on the back of their book (while wandering through Barnes & Noble, mind you) and thought: maybe the ugly ones write. I mean look at Stephen King: great writer, kinda ugly. Then again, one of my favorite writers, Augusten Burroughs, is good looking. Well, was… I’m not that into 40-somethings. I’ve wandered his website and saw pictures of him in the 90s with his drug sheik.

I’ve mused before about a year ago about being self conscious about my neck, but I don’t consider myself ugly. With my low self esteem, let me at least think that I’m good looking. I often think in defeatist mentality, but that doesn’t make me ugly either. Sometimes, I practice taking that stereotypical black and white author photo. I laugh thinking that a) I would end up writing a how to book or b) I wouldn’t write a book. Granted, I still need a new headshot-esque picture. I have to go call Eric and hire him as my photographer. Maybe I could pay him in Applebees and Hot Wings.

Does that mean I picked the wrong outlet? Granted maybe I’m looking at extremes. I mean look at Ryan Seacrest. If someone that weird looking can succeed, I guess anyone can.

It’s a little sad. Since Eric lost his job, he’s been in this weird rut that I can’t help with. I don’t really have anything positive left to say; that and I tend to have a degree of indifference to things. (It’s called being slightly narcissistic) The big problem with it is the fact that he’s starting to depress me. I don’t think he’s gone out of the area of my house for the past week. He’s gained bad sleeping hours, he’s too tired and lazy to go outside. Yesterday I went shopping (I bought Animal Crossing for the Wii), the day before I had to go to the bank and run errands and with both cases Eric was a no show. Today I went on my morning walk. I don’t exactly know why Eric was awake (bad sleeping habits), but he didn’t want to go. I will admit that the weather was beautiful, albeit the snow hasn’t fully melted and it was mostly ice when I was walking.

Getting to the point, Eric’s mood is getting me in this weird mood. As a writer, I have the time to sit and type for several websites. I can’t focus because he’s around. I tip-toe around, run errands for him, and cook meals that I don’t normally have to. To make it worse, I haven’t gotten those damn responses from several websites and it’s making me doubt myself. Even with the smart promo work that the SimAnimals Soundtrack is having, I can’t even bask in the coolness of having my name on a Wikipedia page. (Link)

I need to go back to morning walks, they help me a lot. With the weather getting better (and groundhogs biting mayors), my mood should be as well. I’m hoping the year of the Ox will help me out as well. I mean if the stars align well, I’m good with that. Eric also has to go home this week because one of his family cars has decided to have their transmission die on them.

Soon everything will iron out for me. I’ll get my weekly updates back on track. I hope…

Thanksgiving has come and gone and the season has brought me back to thinking about life. It’s weird, I’m convinced that I found myself during college, but now after, I’m trying to write for a living and it’s gotten me to think harder about my own life and personal choices. I send my resumes out and try my best to build up credibility as an entertainment journalist while waiting. Then I have my personal site and other personal projects that I’m working on.

Then I stopped and thought, “What if none of this existed?”

My mother turned to me the other day and said, “You know Mike, in some alternate world you could have been Michael Yap.” I looked at her a little confused, but she continued, “I mean, I might not have ended up with your father. We might now be here in New York. For a while I maintained a California nursing license because your father and I weren’t sure if we were going to stay in The Bronx.” She continued on saying how we’re lucky and blessed to be here. She’s told me stories of different events and situations that just seem to fall into place before. Like how since she was the second to the youngest she lucked out and got into nursing school with the help of some extra funding from her newly retiring father.

I’m a firm believer in fate and destiny; I mean I also have some Catholic beliefs and personal morals that have guided me, there’s nothing wrong with that. But during the Thanksgiving season, I’ve often asked myself questions about ‘What If?’

What if I was brought up in California?

What if I didn’t finish in Communications or Business? Would I have been a music teacher or a museum curator?

What if I was actually alone?

I have a lot of fears about my life. I’ve talked about how one of my inner fears is to die and have no one show up at my funeral. It’s an odd thing to say, but I’m afraid of being forgotten. Thanksgiving makes people think about what they are grateful for. I thank everyone I’ve known or interacted with because they’ve given me hope that there will at least one person at my funeral.

There’s a part of me that feels like I’m emotionally tearing myself up for nothing. I have someone who loves me and even though we have funny squabbles, Eric gets me. I’m always afraid he thinks that I’m insane; but he reassures me that most of his family is actually insane and I’m just paranoid.

I’m thankful. Especially thankful that my last name isn’t Yap. It doesn’t seem to fit my personality. Haha, instead of Paz, I’d be Pay.