A few weeks back I was hooked into buying another solar powered outdoor light. The big selling point of this was that it claimed to also be a mosquito/bug zapper. I ponied up the six dollars, plopped it in my backyard (ironically not into the ground, but in it’s own flower pot), switched it to “bug zapper” mode, and waited for night. As night finally fell, I stared out of my kitchen every commercial break and wondered if this thing actually killed a bug. I don’t care if it was a mosquito, any bug will do. The eerie purple glow was at least interesting to look at in comparison to the really annoying white LED lights. In the morning I checked the surrounding area and saw no dead bugs. Either the birds now had a buffet table or it actually didn’t kill anything. While I still keep the light there, I doubt it still does any good effect except turn my backyard into a black light rave party for the birds and squirrels.

At Epcot I couldn’t resist purchasing myself a small panda I saw in the Japan pavilion. (We’re going to ignore the obvious question of “Why didn’t you buy it in China?”) First off, it’s a panda and how can you resist that? Secondly, it was one of those cute unnecessary waving pandas, powered by a small solar panel the size of one placed in a calculator. It leans it’s head back and forth and waves a piece of golden bamboo at you. (Ah, such is an easy life) This panda, who hasn’t been given a name yet, has his solar panel on the side instead of on the top of the machine, but manages to get enough solar power nonetheless. I have yet to figure out a perfect spot for the new addition to my room/house, but he will definitely be waving to someone very soon.

It made me wonder, if one small solar panel the size of my Centrum Cardio pill I (should) take every morning can power a small waving panda or a panel the size of 3/4ths of a credit card can charge a battery to light a small light for five hours, what sized panels do I need to power a crock pot? How many batteries would I need to charge up so that it could pump a constant heat to my crock pot and produce some wonderful chili?

When I was younger, solar panel calculators felt like the peak of solar energy. While there is technology out there, I feel as though a lot of the items that have arrived into the marketplace have become quite cosmetic. Yes, there is a use for solar lights to light the way to your front door, and yes, you only pay the up-front fee (plus replacement batteries), but where are all the cool solar powered items? Hell, I still would kill for a hand-crank phone/iPod charger. I think if people want to throw around big “green” words, then maybe they should start selling alternate energy items at your local mega-mart.