Michael S. Pascua The Life of a Freelancer

Lost Paz

I don’t know what’s wrong, but there is something wrong with me. I can’t focus like I used to. There is a part of me that is so disappointed that I can’t write a complete sentence without deleting it and rewriting it. It hasn’t always been this way. I had a spark of genius and words would flow. I thought that this would go away, but it hasn’t yet. The sun hasn’t shone on my face in a while.

I’m in a different mindset than I was last year. Jesus apparently is risen again and I’m a little less affected. I can’t find my personal center. I don’t really care if there are eggs around. Sure I will watch The Sound of Music and The Ten Commandments this weekend, but I don’t think either message will get to me.

Yesterday I weighed myself and I lost like four pounds since the last time. I guess I gained all four pounds today. Don't you hate those days?

My motivation is in the toilet at the moment. I used to be so organized and none of it is coming together. I’m going to take a breather tomorrow and find myself again. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m headed to church, but I will find myself. I don’t exactly know how I’m going to do that, but I will find myself soon.

Dear Paz,

- Michael